i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
