if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
