So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
