Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
