i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
