Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
