y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
