Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
