Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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