u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
