There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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