My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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