Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
