I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
