i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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