quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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