Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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