ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
