The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
