I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
