We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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