Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
