She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
