I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize