so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
