...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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