It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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