you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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