well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
