What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
