This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
