Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
