Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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