conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
