At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
