i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
