I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
