watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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