im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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