Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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