just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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