I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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