I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
