i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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