I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
