and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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