either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
