You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
