I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
