So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
