watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
