I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
