he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
