She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
