It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Did I show you my penis last night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
