I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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