yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
