you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
