Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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