i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
