I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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