Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want nice things and good sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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