So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Green mimosas i think yes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
