She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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