The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
