dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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