He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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