Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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