he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
