reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
