He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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