Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
