If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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