Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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