I bet he comes in French.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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